So Chic, Very Chic: Is Chanel Rich People Zara?

This is So Chic, Very Chic, PAPER’s examination of Bravo’s sprawling cohort of fashion obsessives. From haute couture to TJ Maxx, they’ve literally worn it all. Sometimes they stunt, sometimes they turn the look, and sometimes they burn holes in retinas my ophthalmologist says might never heal.

All I really want to talk about is how the cast of Next Gen NYC spent fifteen thousand dollars at The Box.

I’ve been partying for well over a decade now, and it’s nice to see that no matter the generational cohort in charge, rich idiots will still drop any amount of money in VIP on cheap liquor and brownie points. But doing so at The Box really tickles me, perhaps even more than all those photos of celebs in the aughts posed inside Hyde Lounge. For those not in the Manhattan social scene, spending a single cent at The Box is not only laughably insecure, but totally a scam. It’s a watering hole for fraudsters shilling bottles in the section and the rich kids they juice for coke money and cheap laughs. There are Paris Hiltons at Les Deuxs everywhere, for those with eyes to see.

Besides, who pays for entry to The Box in the first place? That’s the first stop on a mediocre night out I get waived into for free on my worst days, and all I’ve got to offer this world is the title of editor at a regional fashion magazine!

Sadly, their fashions don’t keep pace with their parents’ credit cards, so instead we’ll spend most of our time today talking about what they wore on The Real Housewives of Miami. Should the cast of Next Gen NYC want another mention in this column, it’ll cost them about fifteen thousand dollars.

Shall we?

The Real Housewives of Miami

Stephanie Shojaee

Stephanie, like the cast of Next Gen NYC, is the new kid on the block. As such, she feels it necessary to peacock about in Chanel and lace gloves. I’ll remind her that Chanel is just Zara for rich people, and we’ve seen our fair share of it on the poorest women Bravo has to offer us. What really matters here is the over-accessorizing, which moves her entrance looks one square past peacocking into straight desperation.

Stephanie Shojaee

Her look at Julia’s baby shower proves this point exactly. I count about four rings too many here, let alone the bump-it and Blair Waldorf headband. It’s just too bad she didn’t also opt for Blair’s signature curls, considering this hair is stiffer than a board. The glasses also push it into the extremities of costuming, while this necklace has my least favorite design hallmark of the past few years: built in jewelry.

Lisa Hochstein and Stephanie Shojaee

I love the juxtaposition here, considering these are both women who became exorbitantly wealthy under relatively similar conditions. While their tastes diverge significantly — Lisa dresses like a ‘90s soap actress who got famous again amongst gay men late in life — the impulses are the same. Signifiers of wealth piled on to the point of tackiness. I wonder if Stephanie feels like she’s looking in the mirror that makes you old here.

How many Chanel outfits can her closet handle before its buckles under the weight of all that tweed? I bet it smells crazy in there, considering the humid Miami summer! Again, her entrance into the franchise is certainly dramatic, with pot shots taken at Lisa and others, but I simply don’t trust a friend of Larsa’s. Especially a friend who feels this compelled to prove how often she drops money at Zara.

Alexia Nepola

Has there ever been a woman more blonde than Alexia Nepola? Probably not. She’s like the progenitor for all blondes on Earth made in a lab by deep space alien scientists, who sent her here to seed the planet with more blondes.

To explain it in simpler terms for the nerds that read this column, she’s sort of like Lilith from Neon Genesis Evangelion.

That said, I’m completely bewildered by this suit jacket that’s also a denim vest. She’s dressed like a 2000s era magician turned comedian when he’s asked to wear something other than his favorite “Trucker Lives Matter” shirt to the third-cousin’s crawfish boil.

Alexia Nepola

To explain it in simpler terms for the nerds that read this column, she’s sort of like Lilith from Neon Genesis Evangelion.

Later in the episode, Alexia dressed up like a Greek goddess on a CW tv show about New York City college students who discover they’re the children of Greek gods and goddesses. The top is incredible, like a deconstructed Sky Top from the yesteryears of The Real Housewives of Orange County.

Marysol Patton and Alexia Nepola

Opposite the new money girls above is Alexia and Marysol, whose money is bloodstained and older than sin. Unlike the younger cast, their looks are quite understated, if you can believe it. The yellow rose set on Alexia and this top on Marysol read quite old on camera, which is not a criticism of their age. I mean they literally look old, like from The Real Real or a consignment shop in West Palm.

Guerdy Abraira

This is the most understated we’ve seen Guerdy this season — I’m in love! That first fit is genuinely stellar. The color is a wonderful contrast on camera, and I love that thick braid for an off-the-shoulder touch. (A design choice I’ve generally been averse too!) The glam also had the opportunity to overwhelm the look in place of strong statement pieces, but her artist kept it similarly muted, much more than in past confessionals.

As for the fishnet top, I’d hate it on a gay guy at Pride but I love it on Guerdy!

Guerdy Abraira

As for the fishnet top, I’d hate it on a gay guy at Pride but I love it on Guerdy!

Larsa Pippen

For a woman who spends most of her free time acting like a clown, it’s not very surprising that Larsa dresses like one either. Except this is the sexy clown outfit she wears on OnlyFans when she sends feet pic requests — not shaming her either! She will tell you as much herself.

Julia Lemigova

Oh, Julia, dear. When will we pry these statement black dresses away from you? This is the dress they make the evil empress wear in a fantasy movie before her castle is razed to the ground.