{"id":521,"date":"2025-06-27T18:32:28","date_gmt":"2025-06-27T18:32:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/draplenvuxio.com\/?p=521"},"modified":"2025-07-23T09:31:14","modified_gmt":"2025-07-23T09:31:14","slug":"so-chic-very-chic-miami-vices-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/draplenvuxio.com\/index.php\/2025\/06\/27\/so-chic-very-chic-miami-vices-2\/","title":{"rendered":"So Chic, Very Chic: Miami Vices"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/p>\n

This is So Chic, Very Chic,<\/strong> <\/em>PAPER\u2019s examination of Bravo\u2019s sprawling cohort of fashion obsessives. From haute couture to TJ Maxx, they\u2019ve literally worn it all. Sometimes they stunt, sometimes they turn the look, and sometimes they burn holes in retinas my ophthalmologist says might never heal.<\/em><\/p>\n

<\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

<\/h3>\n

<\/p>\n

Normally, I\u2019d wax poetic about some innocuous experience I had in my everyday life, tying it back in some convoluted way to a theme I picked out from this week\u2019s Bravo programming. It hopefully makes my editor Andrew smile, because I write these things for him mostly, and then I slip the knife of my many insults in over the following 1500 words.<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s skip all that, because it\u2019s summer vacation, and I spent most of yesterday on a beach with my indescribably hot boyfriend listening to the waves lap at the fleeting time we have together. When the tides had washed away the memory, we rode bikes along the shore and drank Aperol Spritzes under the waning light of June. We smoked a joint on the way back to the ferry, buzzed and full of love for every single moment. <\/p>\n

He\u2019s in the shower now while I type this all out. I better get going, as should you. Summer\u2019s only here for a moment; let\u2019s spend as little of it indoors as we can afford. <\/p>\n

The Real Housewives of Miami<\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

<\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

<\/h3>\n

<\/p>\n

Marysol Patton<\/strong><\/p>\n

Marysol here is often the bridesmaid, never the bride, in these recaps. Trailing in Alexia\u2019s shadow can often have unintended consequences, like fashion critics overlooking your contributions to the fashion lexicon of The Real Housewives<\/em>, or fashion editors putting your looks fourth or fifth in the slideshow. <\/p>\n

Thankfully, in the absence of interesting clothes worn by Alexia, Marysol emerges in black like Lady Gothica, mistress of the night, first of the recap. There\u2019s an old Hollywood glamour she grasps at here, barely grazed, yet ever in sight. I quite like the off-the-shoulder dress with this too-big Chanel cuff, or the way that necklace works like a collar in the first look. The braided extensions there also make me laugh, because she simply does not have enough hair, and so it reads like one of Blair Waldorf\u2019s headbands instead. <\/p>\n

One more thing: a one-shoulder dress or top is the correct moment to deploy those waterfall earrings you picked up last time you were in Milan with the husband. Kudos. <\/p>\n

<\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Lisa Hochstein<\/strong><\/p>\n

Here Lisa goes again with the Jean Paul Gaultier tops! She\u2019s just like Teresa Giudice in that way, or Larsa Pippen, or Phaedra Parks, or Toya Bush-Harris. Actually, she\u2019s just like every other Real Housewife who\u2019s ever existed, save for Lisa Vanderpump, who\u2019s not in mesh but silk \u2014 sort of an entirely different thing that\u2019s also exactly the same, if you think about it for a moment. <\/p>\n

<\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

<\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

<\/h3>\n

<\/p>\n

Larsa Pippen<\/strong><\/p>\n

The back to back of these two images keeps making me laugh for no particular reason. Larsa\u2019s one of Phillip Plein\u2019s angels, really, and she wants us to know it. Doesn\u2019t mean she won\u2019t cause a big fuss at his fashion show at some fast-casual eatery, but at least she showed up with a selfie light at all. <\/p>\n

As for the actual outfit, I never have anything nice to say about her commitment to corseted vests and white pants. My kindergarten teacher taught me that if I didn\u2019t have anything nice to say, I should instead pull out a gun and fire a clip into the ceiling, just to let everyone around me know I held my tongue but could unleash if I really felt like it. So I\u2019ll leave her with a compliment instead: Her tanning artist did a really good job making sure none of it would run off on her closet full of white corseted vests and pants. <\/p>\n

<\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Julia and Kiki<\/strong><\/p>\n

I was deeply moved by the pairing of these two outfits together at the big dinner scene. They look like rival frenemies at the children\u2019s dance recital benefit gala raising money for the Miami Institute for Ideas, which tasks children with dreaming up design schematics for various new public works, like a bitcoin powered monorail or jetski taxis in the condo district when the water level rises again. <\/p>\n

Jokes aside, Julia\u2019s glam has gotten out of control this season, while Kiki\u2019s has become noticeably subdued. And why the high neckline on this gorgeous maroon dress? Please, Kiki, I\u2019m begging you! <\/p>\n

The Valley<\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Some Lady<\/strong><\/p>\n

I\u2019m not even attempting humor here: I legitimately forgot this lady\u2019s name. Instead of looking it up on the internet, I\u2019m leaving it out for symbolic purposes. Here lies some lady and her balayage and little brown dress. She\u2019s on a show I watch called The Valley<\/em>. Look on and weep. <\/p>\n

The Real Housewives of Atlanta<\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

The Real Housewives of Atlanta<\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

<\/h3>\n

<\/p>\n

Kelli Ferrell<\/strong><\/p>\n

Kelli\u2019s having a tough go of it this season, always in too-small clothing while shackled to that emotional terrorist Brit Eady. There\u2019s a funny narrative told between her two big fashion moments in this episode: the girlish simplicity of her sparkling white ensemble for her Williams-Sonoma cooking class, and the out-loud and proud raunchiness of her black romper at Phaedra\u2019s faux-fashion show. It\u2019s like Toddlers and Tiaras: The After-Years<\/em>, when they have child support payments to chase down and a complicated relationship with their childhood wardrobe. <\/p>\n

<\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Phaedra Parks<\/strong><\/p>\n

Phaedra\u2019s never looked funnier, not on this show or the others she leapfrogged around while in exile. This outfit is, without a doubt, one of the stupider articles of clothing she could have chosen for the confessional, matching neither the budget of this cast or the tone of this franchise, Maybe in Dubai, where it seems she really wants to be, or Beverly Hills, where she could never be. But not in Atlanta, while Brit is traipsing around in Skims dupes from TJ Maxx.<\/p>\n

<\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

This second outfit, at her function for nothing in particular, is more the styling I expect from her: tacky, overdressed and totally unoriginal. A facsimile of something seen on a Pinterest board in a hyper-compressed JPEG saved so many times it\u2019s lost any discernible features.<\/p>\n

<\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Brit Eady<\/strong><\/p>\n

Here\u2019s what Brit wore standing next to her, which makes the whole thing funnier. I thought this was supposed to be a classy party? Not when Brit comes skulking in, nipples hard, bob laid, cheap clutch grasped like a weapon.<\/p>\n

<\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Cynthia Bailey<\/strong><\/p>\n

When a woman wears a highly textured dress like Cynthia\u2019s, I wish their glam team just took the hair up, despite any protestations from their clients. I see it every day! On red carpets, on television, at work functions. Women and Jonathan Van Ness\u2019s hair caught in the sequins and lace on their clothing, slowly matting while the filming schedule stretches into the long hours of the night. She looks beautiful, no doubt! But I only have eyes for that hair. <\/p>\n

<\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Shamea Morton<\/strong><\/p>\n

Shamea\u2019s the best dressed of the party, only because her dress actually fits, and her jewelry choices are notable enough to bear mentioning. We\u2019ve seen a lot of these bedazzled trims trickle down from Schiaparelli and even The Row, which have both added jewelry to clothing in the absence of industrywide jewelry sales outside the Van Cleef and Arpel\u2019s counter. I wish the trim was better aligned to the hem, but at least it\u2019s there, I guess. The necklace also works, due to the odd link, and while I could have done without the pageant earrings, at least they\u2019re not Kelli\u2019s little diamond choker!<\/p>\n

<\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Angela Oakley<\/strong><\/p>\n

The worst thing a woman can do is buy knockoff Chanel jackets on Revolve. The second worst thing a woman can do is wear those knockoff Chanel jackets on television. The third worst thing a woman can do is have her stylist add a wet-effect look to her hair while wearing a knockoff Chanel set from Revolve on TV.<\/p>\n

<\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Drew Sidora<\/strong><\/p>\n

Speaking of the Van Cleef and Arpel\u2019s counter at the local Saks, everyone please wave to Drew Sidora! She\u2019s been here this whole time but hasn\u2019t made enough noise for me to notice her until just now. <\/p>\n

<\/h3>\n

<\/p>\n

Photos courtesy of Bravo\/NBCUniversal<\/em><\/p>\n

<\/br><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This is So Chic, Very Chic, PAPER\u2019s examination of Bravo\u2019s sprawling cohort of fashion obsessives….<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":519,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-521","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-featured"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/draplenvuxio.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/521","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/draplenvuxio.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/draplenvuxio.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/draplenvuxio.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/draplenvuxio.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=521"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/draplenvuxio.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/521\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":553,"href":"https:\/\/draplenvuxio.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/521\/revisions\/553"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/draplenvuxio.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/519"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/draplenvuxio.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=521"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/draplenvuxio.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=521"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/draplenvuxio.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=521"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}